if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
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