YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
