No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Randomize
