from now on my penis is your penis
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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