A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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