i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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