There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
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