if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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