i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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