Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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