i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
