we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
