I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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