I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
