The maid of honor just puked.
I checked into jail on foursquare
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
