So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
