girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Randomize
