if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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