remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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