things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
