mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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