he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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