So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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