I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
