im so drunk with asians
where?
always
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Randomize
