He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
