I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
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