i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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