Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
