I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
