Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
