I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
