his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
