Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
