Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
