I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
