Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
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