highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
