So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
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