Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
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