Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
