oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I woke up under a house in Key West
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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