I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
