A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
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