And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
