I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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