you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize