if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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