he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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