why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
