Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
