i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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