I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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