george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
