so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
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