I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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