: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
