just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
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