I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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