i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
He passed out mid-signature
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
