got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
