her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Im part way to drunk.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
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