So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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