Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
