he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
